Is everyone with products from China that are shipping to USA for FBA paying insane duty/customs/fees?

Any advise for companies that make this affordable without taking your entire profit margin?

You can get in touch via 3rd party websites or try to find the company website by searching for it. You could use sourcing agents in China to get in touch with the company on your behalf. You could attend trade shows and obtain direct contact details.

You can ask the freight forwarder to give you the DDP price, which includes customs clearance fees and duty.